Because He Loves Me

1:34am. As I begin writing, I am shivering a bit, here on my couch (because I had the living room window open for far too long), I do have two warm and cozy blankets within reach, though– so I must be enjoying the chill in the air. (I really am.) πŸ™‚Β  Denver is snoring lightly from his chair across the room; I have been distracting myself all evening from what is singing through my veins. A new storyline.

Yes, I will finish editing my 80k-word first full-length draft (of course)– but tonight while I awaited the close of E’s martial arts class, a new storyline appeared to me. This is how it happened: I’d been reading a short story by a favorite contemporary author of mine, when a passage rendered me teary and introspective. After dozing {+ dreaming, no joke…} for about half an hour, I awoke, still affected by what I had read… and I found myself thinking of {{somewhat wild}} solutions to the problem/obstacle the protagonist faced in the aforementioned story. …When– wham!— an [[extremely circuitous]] idea materialized. If a novel has been written with this plot I would love to read it. I believe I will not go in search of that possible novel, however, so that I may learn what my view, or take, on the subject might be~ Getting started soon (just after I complete these notes), LW. πŸ™‚

My mom has always loved the old hymn, titled “Because He Lives.” This fact is one of countless permanent trappings that fill the interior of my quiet & well-loved life~~ <3

The title– “Because He Loves me”— has to do with the above-mentioned hymn, another song by Celine Dion (true, haha), and a sermon I listened to last Sunday morning by Dr. Charles F.{razier} Stanley: “Starved for Love” ~ Not one day of my life have I believed myself to be thus; not when my ex-husband forgot a birthday while traveling for business, not while signing divorce papers on a Valentine’s weekend; in no moment when one might feel those feelings (and I have always felt plenty of feelings) have I ever truly believed myself to be without love. The main reasons for this, I believe, are these: 1) my family is a sticks-forever-family– and more, 2) my core family instilled the truth in us that being a true member of God’s family means we are part of a larger forever-family– and 3) the foundation of this world-wide, never-ending family is His unconditional love for each of us His children. | Through each of Life’s long valleys I have had a steady companion Who has never changed, in Him. Hebrews 13:8

Still, through this lesson {“Starved for Love”} I was reminded of how very much knowing His unchanging Love changes our spirits at a base-level~~

I will not share allll of my notes here (as I took several pages-worth Sunday a.m.), but I do want to share a few of Charles Stanley’s shared-observations–

“There is no substitute for (real) love.” I John 4:7-11 ~ “(In fact, if you confuse love with desire– and try to substitute sex for real love– it will not work: instead, you will become lonely, angry [because you are now, also, empty and confused]. Therefore, sex and {*surficial} relationships actually become road blocks to real and lasting love. Genuine love is willing to make personal sacrifices for the good of another.)” {*Surficial is my own, personal, replacement-word for “superficial,” which simply does not go quite deep enough, imho… It needs a stand-in, sometimes~}

A commitment to the satisfaction, security, and development of the one loved and a commitment to the fulfillment of their needs, whatever they are, always asking what’s best for the other person”

” {{The Nature of God’s Love (however~ Is borne of God; it is pure)
—Love is healing
—–It builds our sense of self-worth
—Makes us feel secure
—–It allows us to be kind to those who misjudge us
—Those who have wronged us are not even excluded from our love
—–Love empowers us to be able to serve others with joy
—Enables us to develop intimate relationships with others (that are fulfilling)
—–Satisfies our need for it [His Love meets our neediness for love]
—Source of real Love– He IS the. Source — a personal relationship with Him is where it begins [& exists + ends]}} ”

“(And when we have experienced His perfect, fulfilling, satisfying love– it will overflow us to all. others.)” <3

I pray you have experienced (and continue to experience) His great love in your own life— and if you haven’t already, that you do, beginning today!~

Happy weekends to everyone~ Goodnight. πŸ™‚

And what good is research?

Physical, electronic, and audio– books in all forms… I read a lot. I write some– occasionally, for periods of great steadfastness. At the moment, I am listening to a(n electronic) book in Spanish {Ahora, yo estoy escuchando a uno libro de Espanol….}.

I have enjoyed a lifetime love-affair within a world of words~ Palabras~~ <3

Sometimes, I simply wonder how valuable it actually is: while my inward “bookshelves” are filled, not much makes the re-translation back into my outer-worlds. …I have vast halls of thought in which to lose myself; however, I speak silliness…, immediacy. Even self-deprecating humor, at times {my son of eighteen years really dislikes this}.

Truth & wisdom are always valuable, though… they do add-to, not detract.
Though I utilize little in my daily life of what I intellectually-consume (indeed, to the contrary, my dusty, wooden shelves give attestation to how sporadically I put my heart into tending my physical surroundings: these cluttered evidences can be taken to be, or viewed as, testaments to the sometimes gleaming state of my mental, marbled rooms), I do believe it adds something real to my life and to the lives of my family members, home.

Once again, I am rambling incoherently here. Ah well, this happens sometimes.~ πŸ™‚

Now, signing off for the day. Hope everyone has a nice weekend ahead, LW!~

Quandary, musings–
“If” given thoroughness, thought—
Pistons of the brain

{2nd line, “thoroughness (of thought)” – credit, goes to my wonderful son~} <3

Goodnight~ {{And wishing a very happy birthday to our sweet, second-oldest nephew today, too– RMBJ! <3}}

Netflix and Insomnia

In recent years I have found myself needing to know the endings of books/movies, etc., before I get even halfway– especially if the storyline is intense.

I am currently watching a four-season-series on Netflix with DC; it is intense. I want to go to Wikipedia to know the conclusion… but I am not going to. At DC’s request. Sigh.

Happy weekend, All~ πŸ™‚

Late Night Hours, Lately~

It’s around half-past-two a.m. as I begin writing here “tonight….” I have been living with a wrecked-sleep-schedule, again, in recent weeks– mainly because of side-effects from a round of prescription-steroids to try to quicken my recovery from bronchitis (second cycle of it this winter, super-rare for me, PTL). Also to blame, is my propensity for the combination of a silent house and a snoring pup, haha~ πŸ™‚

The last time I published a page of notes here, I had just completed day-18 of a Whole-30; I made it just another two (2) days after that…. I had been doing so well and having a very relatively easy time living a paleo+ / Whole30 lifestyle– when I learned that raw honey {no honey of any kind} was *not* allowed. {Insert devestation-music here: dah-dah-dahhh…..} I had read the book {entirely~ seriously– recipes included~} but somehow missed that fact. ! And though I had *not* consumed it every day of the 20, I had added it to my hot tea at least half of them, I’m pretty sure. I was so sad to discover that I had missed a vital detail, thereby nullifying my full-participation. My intentions were to begin again on January 31 or February 1st, but the fray of life interfered a bit (oh, and also my procrastinative-attitude and laziness/lack of preparation…).

Anyway, I am still mulling about the plans at the moment. I will try to update later on this subject, when I have won the battle with myself, LW~~ πŸ™‚

Yesterday in the “…wee, small (early-morning) hours,” I did manage to sail across the finish line of a different goal I’d set for myself back in the fall of last year: I completed a full-first-draft of a novel that I have lived with, within my mind, for more than a decade now. Yes, it has morphed and changed in places– but it is now reached a more solid state. It has been 25 hours now since I closed the {80k+-word} document; ten hours have passed since I laid eyes on the beauty of 200 pages, exactly (I numbered them by pen, since I’d forgotten to apply any footer…). ~ I have ridden an airy-wave of freedom and release today. It’s been very relaxed and enjoyable.

I have begun to feel the desire to return to the page now, though. Still the balmy wind of accomplishment remains. It’s a nice feeling. One I have waited for– on the edge of some figurative seat for half of my life, it seems. So, I am happy and full of thanks to find some new sensation does, in fact, accompany the end of a project such as this. I am praising the Lord tonight for His hand in my days. I believe that if it is His plan, it will make it out into the world of rejection letters~ πŸ™‚Β  …sometime this year. *There is a verse that has held me in its clutch for the past *85-weeks (I consulted Instagram where there exists a picture). It is en Proverbios {{16:33}}– “The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord.” ~~

This is not to say that we hold no responsibility it the outcomes because we do– we walk the paths of obedience, or choose not to; our actions do, indeed, affect our courses (just read the verse that precedes the one referenced above– verse 32– to see proof of this truth…). *But ultimately what happens in our lives is cleared and orchestrated– **planned, in love– by the Father Who loves us with every single miss-step and lost chance at following His best way for us. He loves us in the obediences as well as in the ditches. <3 <3 ~~~

My heart is grateful.
Eventually, we see
Yesterdays Written ~

Before existence
You were spun by the Potter
Crafted, intentioned.

I hope you will tune-in to what He wants to write in your life; His pen is inked with truest-Love.

Goodnight & Sweet Dreams, All– with love from me, too.~

My world for most of last Saturday or Sunday– trying to get over bronchitis.~ πŸ™‚

Whole 30: More than halfway~

So, I am at the close of Day 18 of my {very first} Whole30. I am feeling pretty great, overall, with a lot more energy. I will write of details if, and when, LW, I have completed it.

Tonight, DC had to go in for a sleep study– the schedulers called this afternoon to see if he could do it a day early, and he/we went with it. He did as I asked, though he, at first, said he would not… and took the Veggie Straws {which were taunting me from the pantry shelf…} with him. πŸ™‚

About to have a cup o’ tea, no joke– and perhaps stay up/awake all night, writing.~

Much love to all, goodnight~
TLC~ <3

Just another Beautiful, New Day

// 10:44 — Well, I decided to write this evening for a bit, though I had given myself today off from everything. πŸ™‚

How has your first day of this year of two thousand seventeen been? Mine has been relaxed and restorative~ I have watched several items from the dvr, read a couple of pages from Wuthering Heights, de-cluttered the top of my nightstand (haha!), and begun re-organizing my DMC threads {cross-stitch-lover, here}. That’s not bad for a Sunday and a day-off, in my humble estimation~ πŸ™‚

I, also, enjoyed reading the following articles (click on links) from the following: Desiring God, My Curious Monde, and Pen and Hive…. ~

Tomorrow, I am set to begin participating in my first Whole30 with a great group of people in Central Texas. Gulp. Please pray for this. I am the poster-child for the opposite of paleo-style meals. (Thanks!) 10:54pm \\

Sincerely, with loveβ€”and with wishes for you to have a WondeRfuL 2017! <3

Psalm 68:19 + 2 Thessalonians 1:11! πŸ™‚

Christmas this Year

I watched Together Again for the First Time (2008, Brownie Films) tonight; it and The Santa Clause (1994, Walt Disney Pictures) are the only two Christmas movies I have watched in full this December/Christmas season. I did start Christmas in Connecticut (1945, b/w, Warner Bros.) once or twice, as well, but never got even half-way before turning it off again.

Christmas day is almost over, and I am happy for this, though it does still seem wrong somehow…. I have enjoyed the family gatherings of yesterday and today; still, Christmas has been hard this year, though there have been amazing blessings woven throughout the season, as well. I am grateful: my heart is full of thankfulness and joy for our Emmanuel’s birth and coming, just there has been an ocean of sadness this year, as well.

I will not attempt to chronicle the sadnesses, I will simply say I am looking forward to focusing more on the good in this new year– praying I can be part of a solution to the pain and hurt in this world of my community, than at large, Lord willing (LW).

Many worlds exist
Outside my friendly front door
Should I venture out?

It must begin in my own heart– but when something is missing, where do I begin? I guess on my own street– in my own kitchen, in my own tiny corners: sweeping, painting, practicing a real consistency…~

Would you please pray for me as I do this? I have pursued many avenues only to move away before any shade of change could be enough to be seen.

Praying for you, here, too.

Happy Christmas~ <3

Or, rather, excitement…

//11:05pm – I misspoke in last night’s post: I am seeking the spirit of excitement and fun-anticipation (along with the desire to watch cozy, silly, old Christmas films with my family), not the joy of the Christmas season. | I have the joy; I want the fun back.

We have been reading two books to celebrate this Advent– and new joy has been discovered, or rediscovered, daily within each~ I am thankful– so thankful– for this; otherwise, I would be a complete “Grinch,” I fear/expect…. ~

Unwrapping the Greatest Gift: A Family Celebration of Christmas by Ann Voskamp | and Journey to the Manger: 25 Days of Christmas {Inspired by the Sermons of Dr. Charles Stanley} are the two books we’ve been reading through– both are rich and full, though each has its own unique flair, as well. The “Journey” is shorter & more simple {three minutes, tops}, while the “Gift” is more lengthy (takes 15-20 minutes to peruse every entry) and is filled with flowery– beautiful, meaningful— language. Again, both are fantastic.
{You can get your own copy *free here.}

The joy is here– and the joy is neverending. Gratefulness for this truth does not distill the reality, however, that the playful spirit of the season eludes {continues to elude} me this year… I think it should: I believe the joy– this ultimate joy of knowing that our Savior came to earth to be with us, leaving behind the full beauty of His wholeness in heaven to do so– should, in fact, remove this apathy I foster, subconsciously and not-so.

The two attitudes should not be able to permeate the same air, should they? Yet, in fact, they do for me this year as they did last {before that? I don’t believe so…}.

Anyway… whatever the reasons which do not readily appear to me, the two subjects are distinct: joyfulness for our Emmanuel’s birth versus fun-loving, boisterous Christmas spirit {or Scrooge-ish attitude, in this case}. I just wanted to clarify a bit tonight~ πŸ™‚

Going, now, to try to befriend again my old joviality by making some extra-special hot chocolate, which I found here at Michelle’s wonderful blog~ I have been enjoying this warm, winter series of hers~ Thank you, Michelle, for boosting my holiday cheer level a bit every Monday, Wednesday, & Friday this month!~[(I will admit that the Christmas lights, ornaments, and tree have added a nice, glittery backdrop {against which the grinch-i-ness tarnishes a shade} that welcomes-in some coziness, too.)] 11:40pm\\

Lots of Love to all, goodnight~

Linked-up with Lyli’s Thought-provoking Thursday at her *wonderful* blog: 3dlessons4life~


Seeking the Joy of Christmas~

//10:49pm — The Christmas boxes have been returned, empty, to the garage– and our living room has finally been dressed for Christmas, as of this evening. πŸ™‚

I will admit to having been a Scrooge-of-sorts in recent years– it’s not that I do not love and enjoy the Christmas season. More, that I do not enjoy seeing Christmas commercials and decorations wherever I turn, maybe… ? All I am sure of is that I look forward to the decor being packed away again… I really do not wish to celebrate in this grinch-ish way, so I am trying to find the magic again this year. ~ <3

Wishing you the magic– the joy~ of Christmas this year, too~

Goodnight! 10:56pm\\

Two Days without Fiction-writing

For the past two days {de deciembre}, I have written nothing {except for a lone journal entry and synopses of AB’s days of school-at-home/home-ed}… thus, two true days of no writing. For the first time in more than nine weeks. Scary, I know. :/ πŸ™‚ πŸ˜‰

Right now, it is 1:40 a.m., December 8th, I have just finished off-loading hundreds (thousands, probably) of digital items documenting the end of fall, beginning of winter, here at our house. Happy for an empty smartphone again. Silly, maybe~ πŸ™‚

Though I have missed writing fiction for these days, I have deeply enjoyed continuing on in my first-reading/first time traveling-through of Wuthering Heights (though the story grows more and more painful with each page). I am now a couple or three chapters in to Volume Two, the second-half of the book; Catherine has just passed away…~ ~~

Now, my hopeful plan for today begins now– and is to write fiction for just 30 minutes, followed by sleep, followed by another great day of schoolwork for AB, and a lot o’ cleaning for me, LW. <3

Happy Thursday to you~

Fridge-art: my favorite. πŸ™‚ Random photos from a random day in June.

Anyone else ever take pics of your cluttered kitchen/house before you clean?

Strange perspective of sleeping pup~ πŸ™‚


More clutter… and Dr. Sam Shepherd~ <3
Must’ve been re-watching Private Practice at the start of summer~

Ahh, lazy days of summer.

Goodnight, All~